Life continues to surprise me

Well I've been offered a teaching job in Seville. And we're going to go. Really. The whole family. I know. It's crazy. But I think it will actually work.

I'll be there from the end of September until they throw me out. Or we get homesick for wet summers and Weetabix.

Actually I will be working the school year from the beginning of October until the end of June, and we will all probably return to Wales for summer school work from July to September.

Mormon Love Song

This is inspired by a poem I heard recently only briefly and cannot find anywhere. This is just a bit of fun. It probably will never find itself going in to print, so I thought I would post it here.


Mormon Love Song

Sit with me, sister
You give me relief
From society.

I’ll hold myself back
From my righteous desire,
The smell of your dress,
Blonde liquid fire
I’ll sit two rows back,
Kick off my church shoes
And sing wild tenor
To your sweet alto

Bake with me angel
Text me at midnight
I’d pass to you first
If he wasn’t in eyesight
I’ll tear down the barricades
And mess up your hair
You are my doctrine
This is my prayer

We’ll run in the moonlight
Cross that cool field
And sleep by the lights
Of the twinkling fair.

I’ll forgo my sins
Withhold all my pride
I’ll read sacred scripture
In your chaptered eyes
I’ll plunder the food store,
Praise with my mouth,
Drink from your voice,
And live in your house.

But there’s a certain sacred
Beauty in restraint, they say,
I think it was some G.A.
I have your note,
Your sustaining vote,
Oh I’ll flirt in my shirt
With you.

I am Spiderman

In another life, in the parallel universe, or in the future when my superpowers will fully manifest themselves to me, I can do this:

Lou's Final Exhibition at WWSOA

She made it! Completing a project that began in 1990, disrupted by pretty much everything life can throw at a person, Lou has finished her photography degree. I'm thrilled, proud, excited, and couldn't smile more if you said I resembled Jude Law's better looking brother. Makes you think how sweet victory tastes when it comes after hard work and commitment.

Well done babe. Like good poetry, your work has become an expression of your self and your own way of seeing the world, charged with unique perspectives, yet relevant and accessible. I'm very happy to have seen this last stretch through with you.

I had to do something to celebrate Morrissey's 50th

This month I gave a paper at the two-day University of Wales postgrad conference on how early modern sonnet sequences constitute a debate written in poetry. Gregynog makes for a great venue. One highlight was Richard Marggraf Turley's presentation on good academic writing practice.



I also received a bursary from the Society of Renaissance Studies to present my paper at the Gascoigne Seminar at Lincoln College, Oxford, in September.

William Drummond's Amazement, 1613

To spreade the azure Canopie of Heauen,
And make it twinckle all with Spanges of Gold,
To place this pondrous Globe of Earth so euen,
That it should all, and nought should it vphold:
To giue strange Motions to the Planets seuen,
And Ioue to make so meeke, and Mars so bold,
To temper what is moist, drie, hote, and cold,
Of all their Iarres that sweet Accords are giuen.
Lord , to thy Wit is nought, nought to thy Might,
But that thou shouldst ( thy Glorie laid aside )
Come basely in Mortalitie to bide,
And die for them deseru'd eternall Plight,
A Wonder is, so farre aboue our Wit,
That Angells stand amaz'd to thinke on it.

I'm an Uncle again!

Robyn Faye Bristow, born 10 March 2009, 9lb 10oz.

I just look like me

I have been told my new bald look makes me look like:

Harry Hill
Michael Stipe
The right-hand man to a Mafia Don
An American university professor from the 60s
Jade Goody

In previous conversations, I have been told I look like the following:

Mr Bean
Someone from Chariots of Fire
Baudelaire
Jude Law

Yahooooo

Snow fun in Wales . . .

The New Year

Slept at my parents last night. Forgot to turn off the cuckoo clock. It was some kind of nightmarish Bavarian hell.

That aside, I successfully maintained my tradition of reading Wordsworth's Prelude on New Year's Day. Well, skipped a few books (particularly regarding his visits to France) and focused my attention on the greatest of his poetic muses - Nature. And common people. And his sister.

Also, broke my vow of silence after only four hours. I didn't know where certain required food items were, and had to communicate with my wife. I now know a man could starve to death from silence.

So 2009 is the year I perfect my PhD thesis, turn 40, become rich and famous, retire to Bermuda and complete the New York marathon. I have much to do and little time . . .

Rather that than suffer what Wordsworth called the 'miserable slave of low ambition'. Think about it . . . nothing ever happens unless you give it a go. I have successfully blagged my way through life (and once into an Ambassador's house, but that's another story). Add to blagging the ability to stick to it. I once interviewed Norman Vincent Peale, and that was his sole point of advice: the Churchillian NGU . . . never give up. Or to be more precise, NNNGU. Then finally add a dash of blythe nonchalence. Simply put, one cannot waste time thinking about what people will think. Think of the Bavarian. There's no way he could get into those leather trousers without more than an ounce of not caring what the French will make of it. So, don your leathers, look stupid, and raise your glass of goodwill to the unperturbed: Here's to 2009: the Year of Immense Ambition.

The Christmas Tree

C. Day Lewis The Christmas Tree

• Put out the lights now!
  Look at the Tree, the rough tree dazzled
  In oriole plumes of flame,
  Tinselled with twinkling frost fire, tasselled
  With stars and moons

• So feast your eyes now
  On mimic star and moon-cold bauble:
  Worlds may wither unseen,
  But the Christmas Tree is a tree of fable,
  A phoenix in evergreen

The Great Big 2008 Review

It's Christmastime, and I am happy. I'm happy for hundreds of reasons (well I can think of at least a dozen right now. The tray of Krispy Kreme's next to me in the room has not influenced the opening of this blog entry in any way). At last it seems I'm getting some basic things right in my life - the last time I could honestly say that was when I mastered daily tooth brushing. And, not to boast, but I have a charmed life full of family, great friends, and amazing food. What more do I need?

Here's a list of 2008's highlights in no particular order:

1. I have given up shouting pretty successfully. Now I just glare. This has given rise to several unexpected benefits. My kids aren't scared of me any more. They now see me as a kind of funny old guy who looks constipated on occasion (I was never that good at glaring - see picture) which I kind of like. Also, there is more giggling in the house which is a much better sound.

2. Lou and I ran a half marathon. Actually, Lou ran it. I successfully employed a combination of motion techniques, of which running was only the first. I then hopped, limped, staggered, and then - and this is the one that really paid off - walked.

3. We attended the Temple as a family on several occasions. We Mormons prize the Temple as a place of worship and service, and this year Lou and I took the oldest kids to both the London and Preston Temples. What can I say? Except we came out better than when we went in.

4. I have two sons taller than me. This is most obvious when we pass the sacrament together, and Cameron and Owen (both nearly sixteen) have the edge on me. I complain about it, but I kind of like it too. I'm not one of those Dads who derives pleasure from constantly showing off how better they are than their sons. By the way, I can still wrestle them to the floor, and I can beat them hands down on a Shakespeare quiz. Oh yeah, who's the Daddy?

5. I am one year closer to my PhD. It will get finished. It will.

6. I have over 200 friends on Facebook. A shout-out to my legion of associates. You have made me feel loved and wanted, and boosted my ego when I needed it most. To those sceptics who say you are just digital negotiations of reciprocal panic-driven attempts at staving off the fear of lonely isolation and not real friends, you have underestimated the depth of my connection to these loyal stalwarts. I sleep sound sure in the knowledge that if my heart fails in the night you would all come to my funeral. Admittedly some of you wouldn't have a clue which John you were mourning, but nevertheless. I assure you that you are real to me. I hope one day to meet you all. Whoever you are.

7. At some point my kids did the following: Gone to EFY (Cam and Owen), started attending youth (Harrison and Caitlin, bringing the total number of youth in our family to six), moved in (Sarah, who is a welcome guest), cheered up (Jared, who has 87% fewer tantrums than last year), enjoyed life (I think particularly of Cerys who is becoming a happy and very beautiful girl), read about a million books (Ceilidh, Devon, and Caitlin in that order), started full-time school (Imogen, who is bravely learning Welsh), grown (yes even Caleb), camped in the rain (everyone in the family), drawn the most amazing pictures (Will in particular), and made Dad laugh so much he fell off the sofa (Caleb and Jared).

My kids love this game . . . so do I

More Games at arcadecabin.com | Cool Generators

Your very flesh shall be a great poem . . .

My man Werner

The law is an ass.

Criminal law is so often about location, location. Think about it. If a man urinates in the men's room no problem, but if he does it in a restaurant the law intervenes. It's all abut the simple matter of walls and doors; the crime of indecent exposure is just a small question of bricks and mortar - that is, how many bricks and how much mortar there exists between a streaker and his unwitting audience.

The same applies to your own home. If my neighbour plays loud music disturbing my early Saturday morning slumber the law is on my side. I have recourse because the noise originates from outside my own house. The law reasonably assumes that I cannot control what happens in my neighbour's house and awards me the blessed status of victim, with all the sweet protection that affords.

But if my own teenage child subjects me to The Red Hot Chilli Peppers while I snooze to the extent that my teeth rattle, there is nothing I can do, for the law wrongly assumes that I can have some level of control or influence over my own brood. Ha! Who are they kidding?

The dude abides.

Some of my favourite quotes from The Big Lebowski, in honour of the forthcoming Lebowski fest. Those in the know have permission to repeat: The dude abides.

The Dude:
Nice marmot
Careful man, there's a beverage here
This aggression will not stand, man
That rug really tied the room together

Walter Sobchak:
This is not Nam, this is bowling, there are rules
You're entering a world of pain
I did not watch my buddies die face down in the mud...
Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature
You want a toe? I can get you a toe... hell, I can get you a toe by three o'clock this afternoon, with nail polish.

Go ahead. Make your move.

The Saps // 03
Originally uploaded by BrandonVoges.

So another academic year begins. I have had the place to myself all summer. My workstation at the library now recognises me each morning with a charming knowing nod. It permanently displays my user name on its login screen in an effort to build report with its sole user. The library has been my library, the books my books (fines excepted), the parking space my parking space (disabled sign excepted).

But now new students (campus tourists), fresh from receiving their learning disability screening, acquaint themselves with campus facilities, stock up on pot noodles, and plaster their new digs with posters of Jimi Hendrix and Cage the Elephant. Returning students pass go, collect student loan, and sleep the afternoons off still dressed in their jeans, Red Bull cans littering the floor.

Despite the competition for parking, I speak of these students with a gush of fraternal affection, for these are the ones who made it thus far, who overcame the doubts, the fears, the forms, the traffic and the general current of our culture which is moving in another direction. Hats off to you my co-scholars, and gather round. There's work enough to do at the treadmill of knowledge, and there's a place for you in a better world.

Just hoping they have the decency to leave me and my books alone.